Abe
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
CNN article about life with Asperger's Syndrome
People often ask us what Asperger's Syndrome is and how it affects Gavin. This article gives the best description I've seen and describes Gavin to a T!
Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Recently, at 48 years of age, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. For most of my life, I knew that I was "other," not quite like everyone else. I searched for years for answers and found none, until an assignment at work required me to research autism. During that research, I found in the lives of other people with Asperger's threads of similarity that led to the diagnosis. Although having the diagnosis has been cathartic, it does not change the "otherness." It only confirms it.
When I talk to people about this aspect of myself, they always want to know what it means to be an "Aspie," as opposed to a "Neurotypical" (NT). Oh, dear, where to start . ...
The one thing people seem to know about Asperger's, if they know anything at all, is the geek factor. Bill Gates is rumored to be an Aspie. We tend to have specialized interests, and we will talk about them, ad infinitum, whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to soliloquize, I often choose silence, although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking, we are called "little professors," or arrogant.
WHAT IS ASPERGER'S?
Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that is part of the autism spectrum. Signs and symptoms of Asperger's syndrome include:
Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
Appearing not to understand, empathize with, or be sensitive to others' feelings
Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor
Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
Moving clumsily, with poor coordination
Having an odd posture or a rigid gait
Source: MayoClinic.com
I don't quite understand small talk, and early in my adult life, solecisms were frequent. At meetings, I launch into business without the expected social acknowledgments. It's not that I don't care about people, I am just very focused on task. Do you have to rehearse greeting people to reinforce that you should do it? I do.
I am lucky to have a very dear friend who savors my eccentricities. She laughs, lovingly, about one particular evening at a restaurant. Before she could get seated, I asked her what she knew about the golden ratio and began to spew everything I know about it. I re-emphasize how lucky I am to have her as a friend, because this incident occurred long before I was diagnosed.
A misconception is that Aspies do not have a sense of humor. It is true that we can be very literal, so we often miss the humor in everyday banter, but we can and do enjoy even subtle humor. Our literal interpretations, however, can be problematic.
In first grade, whenever someone made a mess in the classroom, the teacher would ask a student to get the janitor. The student would come back with Mr. Jones (not really his name), who carried a broom and large folding dustpan. When I was asked to get the janitor, I looked all over the school and reported back to the teacher that I could not find it. After all, the person was Mr. Jones, so the janitor must be the object, right?
I lack the ability to see emotion in most facial expressions. I compensate for this deficiency by listening to the inflections in people's voices and using logic to determine emotional context. The words people choose, their movements, or even how quickly they exit a meeting can provide clues to emotion.
I also have intensified senses -- touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound -- so I am attuned to lights, noise, textures, and smells. In a "busy" environment, I will eventually go into sensory overload and my mind will go blank. When this happens, I have to "go away" mentally for a brief period to regain focus. When I "return," I have to piece together what occurred while I was "away." The additional mental processing I must do to function every day is fatiguing, and I don't handle "ad hoc" very well. Being asked to respond quickly in the midst of all this other processing is difficult, sometimes impossible.
I am so sensitive to touch that a tickle hurts me. This is the hardest concept for most people to understand. How can a tickle hurt? All I can tell you is that it does, so I avoid being touched except by those who have learned how to touch me.
Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved.
In school, other children noted my differences, and I was bullied (and tickled into fits of despair) for years. Already needing extended periods of time alone, my response was to become even more of a loner. Uh oh. When you are weird, you are a joke. When you are a loner, you frighten people. It's always the quiet ones. ...
I am married (wow!), and my brilliant husband is an absolute sweetheart. I don't know any other man who has the self-confidence to be pushed away (sometimes sharply), both physically and mentally, as often as he has been. He has been gentle and patient (and, yes, frequently emotionally depleted) as we both worked through my need for space, tendency to go so deep into my own world that the real world and everyone in it cease to exist, and sensitivity to touch during the 26 (soon to be 27) years of our marriage.
I live with anxiety, because the world can be overwhelming and people have expectations that I always, sooner or later, fail to meet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been told that I am rude, inaccessible or cold, yet I have never purposely tried to harm anyone, nor do I mean to be, well, mean.
I could tell you so much more, but instead let me share one last insight. Don't pity me or try to cure or change me. If you could live in my head for just one day, you might weep at how much beauty I perceive in the world with my exquisite senses. I would not trade one small bit of that beauty, as overwhelming and powerful as it can be, for "normalcy."
Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Recently, at 48 years of age, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. For most of my life, I knew that I was "other," not quite like everyone else. I searched for years for answers and found none, until an assignment at work required me to research autism. During that research, I found in the lives of other people with Asperger's threads of similarity that led to the diagnosis. Although having the diagnosis has been cathartic, it does not change the "otherness." It only confirms it.
When I talk to people about this aspect of myself, they always want to know what it means to be an "Aspie," as opposed to a "Neurotypical" (NT). Oh, dear, where to start . ...
The one thing people seem to know about Asperger's, if they know anything at all, is the geek factor. Bill Gates is rumored to be an Aspie. We tend to have specialized interests, and we will talk about them, ad infinitum, whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to soliloquize, I often choose silence, although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking, we are called "little professors," or arrogant.
WHAT IS ASPERGER'S?
Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that is part of the autism spectrum. Signs and symptoms of Asperger's syndrome include:
Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
Appearing not to understand, empathize with, or be sensitive to others' feelings
Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor
Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
Moving clumsily, with poor coordination
Having an odd posture or a rigid gait
Source: MayoClinic.com
I don't quite understand small talk, and early in my adult life, solecisms were frequent. At meetings, I launch into business without the expected social acknowledgments. It's not that I don't care about people, I am just very focused on task. Do you have to rehearse greeting people to reinforce that you should do it? I do.
I am lucky to have a very dear friend who savors my eccentricities. She laughs, lovingly, about one particular evening at a restaurant. Before she could get seated, I asked her what she knew about the golden ratio and began to spew everything I know about it. I re-emphasize how lucky I am to have her as a friend, because this incident occurred long before I was diagnosed.
A misconception is that Aspies do not have a sense of humor. It is true that we can be very literal, so we often miss the humor in everyday banter, but we can and do enjoy even subtle humor. Our literal interpretations, however, can be problematic.
In first grade, whenever someone made a mess in the classroom, the teacher would ask a student to get the janitor. The student would come back with Mr. Jones (not really his name), who carried a broom and large folding dustpan. When I was asked to get the janitor, I looked all over the school and reported back to the teacher that I could not find it. After all, the person was Mr. Jones, so the janitor must be the object, right?
I lack the ability to see emotion in most facial expressions. I compensate for this deficiency by listening to the inflections in people's voices and using logic to determine emotional context. The words people choose, their movements, or even how quickly they exit a meeting can provide clues to emotion.
I also have intensified senses -- touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound -- so I am attuned to lights, noise, textures, and smells. In a "busy" environment, I will eventually go into sensory overload and my mind will go blank. When this happens, I have to "go away" mentally for a brief period to regain focus. When I "return," I have to piece together what occurred while I was "away." The additional mental processing I must do to function every day is fatiguing, and I don't handle "ad hoc" very well. Being asked to respond quickly in the midst of all this other processing is difficult, sometimes impossible.
I am so sensitive to touch that a tickle hurts me. This is the hardest concept for most people to understand. How can a tickle hurt? All I can tell you is that it does, so I avoid being touched except by those who have learned how to touch me.
Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved.
In school, other children noted my differences, and I was bullied (and tickled into fits of despair) for years. Already needing extended periods of time alone, my response was to become even more of a loner. Uh oh. When you are weird, you are a joke. When you are a loner, you frighten people. It's always the quiet ones. ...
I am married (wow!), and my brilliant husband is an absolute sweetheart. I don't know any other man who has the self-confidence to be pushed away (sometimes sharply), both physically and mentally, as often as he has been. He has been gentle and patient (and, yes, frequently emotionally depleted) as we both worked through my need for space, tendency to go so deep into my own world that the real world and everyone in it cease to exist, and sensitivity to touch during the 26 (soon to be 27) years of our marriage.
I live with anxiety, because the world can be overwhelming and people have expectations that I always, sooner or later, fail to meet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been told that I am rude, inaccessible or cold, yet I have never purposely tried to harm anyone, nor do I mean to be, well, mean.
I could tell you so much more, but instead let me share one last insight. Don't pity me or try to cure or change me. If you could live in my head for just one day, you might weep at how much beauty I perceive in the world with my exquisite senses. I would not trade one small bit of that beauty, as overwhelming and powerful as it can be, for "normalcy."
Friday, March 21, 2008
Too smart.....Part 2
So, at parent teacher conferences last week, Gavin's teacher told us that for a class project each student wrote and illustrated a book and then presented it to the class. I'm sure most of the kids had cute little stories about bunnies or kittens...... Gavin's was on the nervous system. The teachers all thought it was hilarious, so they were excited to tell us about it (Gavin also has quite a flair for public speaking, so I'm sure that made it even more entertaining). Then I told them the story about the Human Anatomy book and the sperm question, which they also thought was hilarious. He hasn't mentioned anything about sperm or reproductive organs in a couple of weeks, so I thought the crisis was averted. But, yesterday when I went to pick Gavin up from school his teacher pulled me aside laughing and told me that Gavin was telling them about his new Human Body book (he has a kids version he got for Christmas), but that it wasn't as good as his old one because it was missing the urinary and reproductive sections. I guess this is not an out of sight, out of mind situation. The damage may already be done. What was I thinking!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
For the love of blogging...
I just want to say how much I LOVE that almost everyone has jumped on the blog bandwagon. It is such a fun way to keep up to date with family happenings. The kids and I love to read the posts, look at the pictures and check the comments. As a kid I never really had an opportunity to know my grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins. I am so grateful that my kids are growing up with such a wonderful extended family. We love you all so much and it is so nice to feel an everyday connection to you even if we can't see or talk to you very often.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Too smart for his own good
Over the last week or so Gavin has taken a real interest in the human body and how it works. It has been a lot of fun for me because it was an interest we share and I felt like I finally knew more about something than he did. He has a couple of children's books about the human body, but after basically memorizing those, he decided to start reading my college Human Anatomy textbook. He has posters of the different body systems hanging up all over the house, so I figured it couldn't hurt to let him flip through the textbook. So, last night at dinner he suddenly says "Mom, what are sperm?". I just about choked on my chicken and said "Where did you hear that?" He said "I was reading about the reproductive system in your anatomy book and I saw that word and I don't know what it means." I said "Well, that book is for adults and sperm is something you will learn about when you get older, but you don't need to know about it now" He said: "Mom, if I'm smart enough to read an adult book, don't you think I should know about sperm." I said "No, I don't" and quietly hid the textbook in the top of my closet. Hopefully we can put off the "Birds and the Bees" speech until at least first grade.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Abe's birthday
On January 20, Abe turned 4 yrs old. Since Gavin was having a party, Abe of course demanded one too. It was a little crazy trying to pull off 2 parties in 2 days, so this might be the last year they both get to do that. Abe invited over 2 friends and his cousin Nate and had, of course, a Thomas the Tank Engine party. We thought Abe's party would be a breeze compared to Gavin's, but it was surprisingly difficult to keep all 4 kids entertained for an hour and a half. Matt was the Master of Ceremonies and did a great job of keeping everyone happy. I think he was pretty much worn out by the end of the weekend though. Here are the pictures:
Engine #1 Cupcakes
BIRTHDAY BOY
NATE, ABE, TANNER, CHRISTIAN, GAVIN
Engine #1 Cupcakes
BIRTHDAY BOY
NATE, ABE, TANNER, CHRISTIAN, GAVIN
Gavin's birthday
Alright, I am going to try and get caught up on my blogging now that our birthday marathon has come to an end (all 5 of us have our birthdays within a 6 week period).........
Gavin turned 6 yrs old on January 17. He was so excited because this was the first year he was able to have a birthday party. He invited all his friends from social skills (about 9 kids). We were a little nervous about it because all of the kids fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum, although they are all mild cases. We weren't sure what to expect, so we kept the activities pretty simple. We did a pirate theme and played pin the eye patch on the pirate, gold coin toss and made oceans in a bottle for a craft. It was such a blast. The kids get along so well. They are so similar to Gavin in personality that they are the perfect group of friends for him. There were a couple who preferred to keep to themselves, but for the most part they all participated in the activities and had a lot of fun spending time with their school buddies. Here are a few pictures from the event:
THE CAKE
KEVIN, LUCAS AND CHRISTOPHER ON THE PIANO
BIRTHDAY BOY!
Gavin turned 6 yrs old on January 17. He was so excited because this was the first year he was able to have a birthday party. He invited all his friends from social skills (about 9 kids). We were a little nervous about it because all of the kids fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum, although they are all mild cases. We weren't sure what to expect, so we kept the activities pretty simple. We did a pirate theme and played pin the eye patch on the pirate, gold coin toss and made oceans in a bottle for a craft. It was such a blast. The kids get along so well. They are so similar to Gavin in personality that they are the perfect group of friends for him. There were a couple who preferred to keep to themselves, but for the most part they all participated in the activities and had a lot of fun spending time with their school buddies. Here are a few pictures from the event:
THE CAKE
KEVIN, LUCAS AND CHRISTOPHER ON THE PIANO
BIRTHDAY BOY!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Wii got one!
We finally found a Wii a couple of weeks ago and it is our new favorite family activity. We love having family tennis tournaments. It is such a fun way to teach the boys about all the different sports and their rules. It also seems to help with Gavin's attention and coordination. He is the best bowler in the family. Abe is especially good at tennis, even though he mostly jumps around the room flailing his arms without even looking at the screen. It works for him though! We have several games that we bought along with the system, but haven't opened any of them because the sports games are so much fun! I highly recommend it!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Wii want to play...
We are trying to track down a Wii to buy for Gavin and Abe for their birthday. We have been laughed at in just about every store around town and are patiently waiting for alerts from wiialert.com to buy one online, but have had no success in the last 2 weeks. Anyone out there have any ideas for us?
Christmas
Well, we had a great Christmas here in the midwest division of the West family. In the week leading up to Christmas we had a lot of sickness going around our family. Pretty much everyone took a trip to the doctor that week and we were worried we'd end up in the hospital with Abe on Christmas Eve because his had turned to pneumonia. But, we drugged everyone up and by the time Christmas Eve came around we were all feeling better. We spent Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa Worlton's house with all the other Illinois dwelling Worlton's. We had a great dinner together and then had a short Family Home Evening where we shared some talents (Gavin displayed his talent of naming state capitals) and each opened a present. At around 8pm we headed home to make cookies for Santa (gluten free of course) and put on our Christmas PJs (see photos). The boys were so excited about Santa! On Christmas morning they woke up at 7am sharp and went down to burst through the traditional Christmas blanket (this is a West family tradition of hanging a blanket to cover the room that Santa visits so we all can go in for the first time together). Gavin got some Pixar Cars that he wanted, Abe got a train station to go with his favorite Thomas trains and Ella got a toy that spits balls all over the place. We were all spoiled with the generosity of our friends and family this year. After we were done opening our gifts we had a nice Christmas breakfast and then headed over to Grandma and Grandpa Worlton's house for more gift opening. It was fun to see everyone open and enjoy their gifts. This year the boys picked out all the presents for their cousins and they had a lot of fun watching them get opened. The rest of our day was spent relaxing and playing with our new things. It was just the perfect day! So much fun in fact that we only remembered to take 4 pictures (2 of which I posted for you). We did get some on video, so maybe we will try to post that later. Sorry!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Ella's B-day!
Hard to believe it has been one year.......
But, this Friday Ella will have her first birthday! A few things about Ella at one year old....
She doesn't walk yet and, in fact, refuses to stand. If you try to get her to stand she will make herself go completely limp. Matt and I tend to have very cautious children and neither of our boys walked until well into their 13th month. She is generally a friendly baby and loves attention. Luckily, she gets a LOT of it from her brothers who both adore her....sometimes too much. It is often hard to carry her around because both of the boys are tugging at her legs and trying to kiss her. She usually enjoys new people and will let most everyone hold her, but occasionally she meets someone who rubs her the wrong way and immediately starts screaming (we think it has to do with how deep a person's voice is). She loves her Daddy and smiles and lunges for him every time she sees him. Certain things however, MUST be done by Mom. She will not eat or go to sleep for anyone else, including Dad. Her favorite toys are rattles and she shakes every toy she picks up to see what kind of sound it will make. She is not a picky eater, but we recently discovered that she gets very ill from gluten, just like her brother Gavin (he is very excited to have another gluten-free kid in the house). Most everybody calls her Ella Bella. I don't know why we even tried to go with a different middle name for her, Ella Bella just seems to roll off the tongue. Matt and I also refer to her as "the Hoover" (because she eats anything left on the carpet) or just "the girl". She definitely gets spoiled by her Dad and I because of her tender feelings. She isn't left to cry nearly as often as the boys were. She is adored by everyone in our house and we are all excited to watch her grow!
Will the real Santa Claus please stand up.....
Last weekend our church had its annual Christmas party and both of the boys got to sit on Santa's lap and rattle off their wish list. They were both very excited about it! Then, on Saturday, we were at TJ Maxx doing some Christmas shopping and Santa and Mrs Claus walked into the store. Gavin and Abe got to shake his hand and Mrs Claus gave them both a little stuffed reindeer. On the drive home we were talking with Abe about how lucky he was to see Santa twice in one week since Santa must be really busy right now. He said "Mom, that wasn't the same Santa, that was a new Santa." Trying to perpetuate the fantasy, I said "Abe there is only one Santa Claus." Gavin took my word for it immediately and tried to help me convince Abe that it was,in fact, the same Santa. Abe didn't say much about it on the rest of the ride, so I thought we had done a good job convincing him. But, this morning he came to me and said "Mom, do you think both the Santa's know what I want for Christmas?"
Oh well, I tried!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Walking Webster's....
Gavin is always on an information hunt. His brain is like a rolodex of information and he is constantly trying to add to the files.
The result of that is a really smart, but compulsive, boy. One of his newest learning tools is asking us to define words. For instance in the last 24 hours I have had to come up with definitions for: nosering, piercing, babushka, language, OK, including, soda, science, etc. I honestly don't know where he hears some of these words....I don't think that we have even said the word babushka in the 6 yrs since he was born. Once you give him the definition he usually asks you to define the words that you used in the definition to the original word....it's a vicious cycle! I'm thinking about buying a pocket dictionary and keeping it with me at all times because I am honestly not smart enough for most of his questions. He'll probably make a killer scrabble player someday though!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Snow Day!
Yesterday we had our first significant snowfall of the season. We had some flurries earlier in the month, but nothing that stuck. We didn't get much yesterday either, but the ground was dusted with white. So, the boys insisted on pulling the sled out. We have a little hill in our back yard that is just perfect for 4-5 year old sledders.....not too steep, but enough to give them a thrill.
We spent about 20 minutes putting on the gear. Snow pants, boots, mittens, hats, coats, etc. Then they headed out. They went down the hill about 4 times and then wanted back in. I think this is one of the natural laws they fail to teach you in school. Children will stay out in the cold for about 1/3 the time it takes you to put on all the clothes and about 1/8 the time it will take you to clean up the melting snow and put away all the snow clothes. It was worth it though to see the look of joy on their faces as they went flying down that hill!
We spent about 20 minutes putting on the gear. Snow pants, boots, mittens, hats, coats, etc. Then they headed out. They went down the hill about 4 times and then wanted back in. I think this is one of the natural laws they fail to teach you in school. Children will stay out in the cold for about 1/3 the time it takes you to put on all the clothes and about 1/8 the time it will take you to clean up the melting snow and put away all the snow clothes. It was worth it though to see the look of joy on their faces as they went flying down that hill!
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Ella's first word!
It's official! Ella said her first word today. She learned to wave and say Bye-Bye. It actually sounds more like "Ah-Dye", but we know what she means.
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